Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Have you ever heard that building a house sometimes destroys a marriage? Wellll, the spouse and I are building a cabin in the mountains. The cabin we already own is just one step up from a tent, really. We bought it several years ago and have enjoyed spending time there with our kids. But it is small, and there is the issue of some people being skeeved out by the composting toilet, which is basically a fancy litter box. My sisters, in particular, are kind of prissy. They want luxury. Like, you know, a flush toilet. Spoiled brats.

OK, they aren't that bad. I love them muchly. (hi, girls!) Especially when they are giving me their hand-me-downs.

Back to the point. The cabin. The spouse and I decided it would be cool to build a larger cabin, both for our comfort and so we can have guests. We broke ground a couple of months ago and have been bickering ever since. "I want dormers on front." "But the neighbors don't have dormers." "But I want windows!" "It will cost more because the roof will have to be stick-built rather than pre-made trusses." "Stop using technical terms and give me windows upstairs, damnit! And I know that a truss is something that holds your butt together when you have hemorrhoids, so don't play that making-up-words game with me! I'm a librarian!" "Fine. We'll have dormers."

Multiply conversation, add irritation. Oh, and make sure that in any discussion you put your hand in my face while rubbing together your thumb and first two fingers in that "It takes money" gesture. Faint when I mention that I want black kitchen cabinets. Pout when I suggest that you make bunk beds for the basement. That's it, lovely.

Did I complain when you insisted that all doors be 36" wide in case you experience limited mobility at some point? Or that you want a handicapped, roll in shower on the main floor for the same reason? No, I did not; I said fine. Even though the wider staircase meant we lost a closet. But let's get one thing straight: if you don't give in on the kitchen cabinets, those wide doorways will amount to naught because I will be parking your ass down at the bottom of the hill and leaving you there.

By the way, I've decided on navy cabinets.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Midnight Logic

I got up to got to the bathroom during the night. I never turn on the lights for this because I know where the bathroom is in relation to furniture. And I know where all the relevant parts are. While answering the call of nature, a blue glow began to emminate from the bedroom. My spouse had turned on the TV. I returned to bed and we had the following conversation:

Me: Why is the TV on?

Him: I woke up and you were gone.

Me: So you thought you'd watch some TV?

Him: I was looking for you.

Me: ON THE TV???

I'd be willing to bet that he has no memory of this at all.